Introduction

"The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles" is a series of humorous rants that I started on Facebook using the 'Notes' feature. It first started out with me sharing emails that I receive via dating websites. Then it slowly also became and outlet in which to voice my frustrations caused by experiences I've had involving anyone with a penis. I do my best to give a play by play description of these events.

I decided to move them to a separate blog and off of Facebook so that I'm able to say more of what I want without the prying eyes of family members and co-workers; and also to make them colorful and pretty. If you enjoy bad language, angry rants and terrible puns then you might enjoy them. The older posts will look pretty bad. I'm just cutting and pasting from Facebook. I am much too lazy to reformat them all. Tough titties if you don't like it.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 8: Dis Nigga Be British


Donwon18incher: Hey you sexy thang

Goodiegumdropcali23: Hello

Donwon18incher: So u horney u cute lil thang?

Goodiegumdropcali23: No I'm not

Donwon18incher: Well whts up wit tht baby?

Goodiegumdropcali23: Nothing?

Donwon18incher: well u siad u was gonna get all ready for me while I was in the bathroom. How u gon leave a nigga hangin like that?

Goodiegumdropcali23: You just sent me an instant message saying "Hey you sexy thang". I've never talked to you before so that conversation you mentioned didn't happen.

Donwon18incher: Man quit playin Tanya I'm horney

Goodiegumdropcali23: Dude, not Tanya

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Donwon18incher: Oh shite lol wrong chatbox lol my bad

Goodiegumdropcali23: Are you British?

Donwon18incher: What you mean?

Goodiegumdropcali23: Nothing nevermind

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Donwon18incher: Oh okay. So whts up wit you n me? how bout it? u horney miss......?

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

At this point I'm trying to find the "block" button but failing miserably. By the way, it tells the other person when the chat window is closed. I don't know why he hasn't gotten the hint yet. I hadn't thought about turning this into an FYPC until the end. Luckily for you readers, this certain website keeps a record of all chats if you ask it to. Or else it all would have been lost each time I closed the chat window. Excellent! (insert electric guitar sound here)

Donwon18incher: ?

Donwon18incher: so whts up wit you?

Goodiegumdropcali23: Nothing

Donwon18incher: Come on dont leave a nigga hangin baby. btw i looked at u're profyle. u cute.

Really? You can't spell profile? I'm pretty sure it says profile where you had to click to see my profile you piece of "shite".

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Donwon18incher: Man well fuk u thn

Goodiegumdropcali23: It's Fuck

Donwon18incher: What? I hope you ment lets lmao

Goodiegumdropcali23: The word you MEANT is FUCK. If you are going to be profane I suggest you learn to do it properly.

Donwon18incher: Man fuck u bitch

***Donwon18incher's IC window is closed

Mission accomplished. Look, I taught him something. I'm on the verge of tears. I feel sorry for Tanya. I hope he can't find her.

Moral of the story? Make sure to know who you're sexually harassing before you start. This is very important so pay attention. If the person turns out not to be who you were initially trying to harass, make sure to try and initiate some sort of agreement. Always be persistent and then get angry when you finally realize you're barking up the wrong tree. Follow these directions carefully and you'll quickly become a shoe in for the "man of the year" award.
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