Introduction

"The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles" is a series of humorous rants that I started on Facebook using the 'Notes' feature. It first started out with me sharing emails that I receive via dating websites. Then it slowly also became and outlet in which to voice my frustrations caused by experiences I've had involving anyone with a penis. I do my best to give a play by play description of these events.

I decided to move them to a separate blog and off of Facebook so that I'm able to say more of what I want without the prying eyes of family members and co-workers; and also to make them colorful and pretty. If you enjoy bad language, angry rants and terrible puns then you might enjoy them. The older posts will look pretty bad. I'm just cutting and pasting from Facebook. I am much too lazy to reformat them all. Tough titties if you don't like it.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 5: The Selfless Man

The following is an example of the messages I receive on almost a daily basis. I also have an internet stalker who keeps making screen names in order to talk to me because I keep blocking him. That is a story for another time. This story is about a very selfless man who has a very creative SN. The same man whose clever pick up line appears in the first "Fuck Your Penis Chronicle". (Dipshit 1) Enjoy reading, I know I did.


If_U_Broke_I_Aint: well first don't get mad just think about it k i just wanna be upfront on what i want to do with u. well i wanted to ask u this first u are beautiful. and i would like to please u be not on some sex stuff tho. just me pleasing u licking and rubbing on Ur nipples/ breast then licking and sucking on Ur pearl tongue and make u keep cumming 4 times in 3 minutes :) trust my tongue game sick like that. u might ask why would i want to do that. well first i like to please and it turns me on to see someone getting the best head they ever got by me and i don't want anything in return so u just relax and let me put u on cloud 9 . hit me up if u okay i promise u wont be mad. my name is mark text or call anytime my number is 323-###-#### please say yeah it would mean a lot to me.


Me: No, Thank you


Wow, how selfless. I mean not even on some sex stuff, except that it is all exactly on some sex stuff. Ignore his blatant inability to punctuate or capitalize properly. Look passed his horrendous grammar and see the man within. What a God. I feel kind of bad for saying no, after-all he said it would mean a lot to him. I guess this B Aint ready for a man of this caliber.

Moral of the story? This one is for all you gents, don't give up. Just because she says "no" the first time, doesn't mean she meant it.

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