The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 11: The Old Flame

Today's Chronicle is about a certain time in my life I like to call "Looking for love in Alderaan Places". During this period of time I was extremely secretive about my extracurricular activities. I had one person I would confide in and that is my Mortis. He alone knows EVERYTHING about that period of time. "I miss you *Kisses* call me k?" (sorry inside joke)  Anyway, so what that basically means is that none of you will know who the hell I'm talking about or to or why it's funny. Still I'll give it a shot.

I've recently been contacted by an old flame. His name is Mark and he is part of the "too old for me posse". He was before "Fuck Face", whom most of you are familiar with, and made a considerable contribution to my "fuck your penis" attitude. I was still young and naive at this time and Mark took advantage of it every chance he got. I have not spoken to nor heard from this person in years. I was still in high school the last time I saw and spoke to him. The following are most of the emails that have been going back and forth. I have left some out because they are boring and have nothing to do with my rant. Here we go.

On Tue, Feb 01, 2011 at 11:12 PM, ############@gmail.com <############@gmail.com> wrote:
###########@gmail.com to me

Hey Jessica!

It's been a long time. I was recently going through my old contact lists and I saw your name. I was immediately thrust back into the good times we had together. I'm not sure if it is okay to say this but it made me miss you. Just seeing your name made me miss you. I know our history is not the best but I would really love to hear from you and catch up. I hope that it is alright that I'm emailing you. If you choose not to respond I will understand.

-Mark S#######


On Sat, Feb 05, 2011 at 09:15 AM, pinky1763@gmail.com <pinky1763@gmail.com> wrote:
pinky1763@gmail.com to Mark S#######


Mark,

It's taken me a few days to decide to respond to you. I'm really at a loss for words actually. I don't know why after all this time you would decide to talk to me. It's a little strange honestly.

-JYM-


On Sat, Feb 05, 2011 at 10:02 AM, ############@gmail.com <############@gmail.com> wrote:
###########@gmail.com to me

Wow! You responded I'm so thrilled. I didn't know what to think after I sent my email it was like sitting on tacks waiting to see if you would respond. Do you really find it strange that I want to talk to you? Come on Jess, we had great times! Walking on the beach having dinner and wine and of course when we made love. Incredible! Just remembering the brush of your soft skin and the scent of your briads. Do you still have braids? they were so hot! I don't want to get off on a rant here but I think you get the idea. Why not catch up what can it hurt Jess? If you have a different account then by all means share it with me. I'm just excited that you would answer at all! So what do you got going now? Boyfriend? Husband? Kids? Work? It has been a long time I'll admit that. Get back to me ASAP.

-Mark S#######

Now, I've left out the middle emails because they are boring. It's just us going back and forth about our current lives. After careful consideration on my part we decide to meet for dinner and drinks. What ends up happening is we see a movie and have drinks while at the movies. The movie was awesome, he was not. Other than the fact that he is still an ass, I knew this was a bad idea because once again, no one I know is aware any of this took place. Until now. We now return to the emails because I still refused to give him my number. I think you'll understand why.

On Sun, Feb 20, 2011 at 11:00 AM, ############@gmail.com <############@gmail.com> wrote:
###########@gmail.com to me

Well that was interesting. You've changed a lot but you're still fucking beautiful. I'm sorry if things got out of hand last night but I just can't seem to help myself around you. I just had to have the chance to apologize. You just left so I couldn't do it last night. Where did you go? Did you leave? I went to look for you in the hall but ended up going home.

-Mark S#######

On Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 10:37 PM, pinky1763@gmail.com <pinky1763@gmail.com> wrote:
pinky1763@gmail.com to Mark S#######

You tried to get me to give you a hand job. THEN, you offerend to buy me popcorn to appease me. Well I hate popcorn. Should have offered to buy me candy. Then I totally would have been down to jerk you off, and maybe even more. Like a bj or something. You're so thoughtless. lolololololol us gurlz like candy.

-JYM-

On Tue 22, 2011 at 10:40 PM, ############@gmail.com <############@gmail.com> wrote:
###########@gmail.com to me

You're kidding right? Is this more of the callous attitude I was so thrilled to experience the other night? Honestly Jess, why would you agree to meet with me if you were going to behave as such? Please, let's be adults. You're a cool chick and I'm sorry for my behavior but I really think you overreacted. We could have watched the flick together. I would not have tried anything else.

-Mark S#######

On Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 10:55 PM, pinky1763@gmail.com <pinky1763@gmail.com> wrote:
pinky1763@gmail.com to Mark S#######

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know that refusing to give you a handjob while trying to enjoy a great cinematic feature was a social faux pas.

Are you retarded? Did something happen to you during our lapse in contact? I am appaled that you would even consider my "behavior" to be out of line. You are lucky I didn't want to cause a scene and waste my rum by pouring it all over you, you swine. Did you seriously expect me to sit with you after you tried to get me to hand fuck you in public? I didn't leave I went to get candy and moved to another area of the theater because I actually wanted to see this film. I invited you remember? You decided to come I would have seen it regardless. I wasn't going to let you ruin it. I didn't know if you stayed and I really didn't give a fuck either. Oh and stop calling me Jess. It makes my fucking skin crawl. Actually don't worry about it. Do not email me back. I don't want to talk you.

-JYM-

On Tue 22, 2011 at 11:01 PM, ############@gmail.com <############@gmail.com> wrote:
###########@gmail.com to me

You used to be so sweet and kind. What happened? Is our history really that bad? Please Jessica give me a chance to make it right. I know you said that you don't want to talk to me anymore but please? I wouldn't have contacted you in the first place if I didn't care about you. Please write me back Jessica.

-Mark S#######

On Tue, Feb 22, 2011 at 11:13 PM, pinky1763@gmail.com <pinky1763@gmail.com> wrote:

pinky1763@gmail.com to Mark S#######

-JYM-

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 10: The Spit Roast Grill Part 1

So, I'm minding my own business doing my once every blue moon email check. When I get two IMs. This is the first of the two. It started innocently enough and then....Well you'll see. Have fun.

mikunity: Hello, i was just looking at your profile- u look nice- how are u?

goodiegumdropcali: I'm fine. how are you?

mikunity: .I'm good......what r u up 2?

goodiegumdropcali: nothing much. Just browsing the internet. I'm actually not planning to be on here for too long.

Hint to maybe leave me alone # 1 (you don't get two sorry)

mikunity: kool, i just got home from jogging

goodiegumdropcali: this late?

This was at about 12:30

mikunity: :) u r very attractive...... by the way, im 5'11 185 lbs.....u?

FINE I'll be nice and social. What could it hurt?

goodiegumdropcali: I'm 5'1 108lbs

mikunity: nice, what do u like 2 do 4 fun?

goodiegumdropcali: I like to listen to music, hang out with my friends, read, watch movies,play video games, go to dive bars. Stuff like that. You?

mikunity: sounds good.... I like boxing, i write music, dance, friends, etc

mikunity: are u single? dating?

goodiegumdropcali: I'm single.

mikunity: that's good news, lol....im single 2 ........what r u attracted to in a guy?

goodiegumdropcali: Personality mostly. I like a guy than can make me laugh, someone understanding, good communicator, knows what he wants...etc

goodiegumdropcali: what do you look for in a person?

mikunity: I'm doin good so far then, lol

goodiegumdropcali: well I just laughed so yeah. jk

mikunity: i like honest, open minded, smart, kool to chill with...what about as far as looks? any preferences? im picky, lol

mikunity: i like a nice smile, pretty eyes, dresses cute....but i really love a nice ass... hope that was ok 2 say?

goodiegumdropcali: it's too late you said it

mikunity: i also love a girl with passion who loves to dance, loves to kiss...if she has all that, she can have my heart...lol

mikunity: :)

Starting to regret being nice

goodiegumdropcali: I don't really like to kiss honestly.

mikunity: what kind of music do u like?

goodiegumdropcali: I like pop, gangster rap but mostly classic rock, alternative and electronic, punk, metal, industrial

goodiegumdropcali: you?

mikunity: me 2....i like it all depending on the mood

The generic answer that EVERYONE who doesn't share my musical tastes, give.

goodiegumdropcali: I listen to a lot of pop and r&b during the week. it keeps me going while I'm at work

mikunity: especially slow jamz----dancing with someone u r attacted to, music can really set things off... I love that shit....lol

mikunity: lol r u the romantic type?

goodiegumdropcali: sometimes

goodiegumdropcali: I have to be into the person of course

mikunity: i am 2...... i think peoples relationships would be better and last longer if they had more romance

mikunity: oh, and definitely much better sex too..... was that ok 2 say? :P

goodiegumdropcali: it's too late you said it

mikunity: sorry if i offended u, im just real passionate- i love things like being on the dance floor,staring deeply into each others eyes - both knowing and feeling what the other wants without saying a word

mikunity: i know it sounds corny but i think its hott, lol

goodiegumdropcali: heh

mikunity: u seem real kool :) plus u r hottt as fuq@!!$#,lol

goodiegumdropcali: thank you

mikunity: I'm Mike-Anthony, u?

goodiegumdropcali: Jessica

mikunity: nice to meet u, where r u from originally?

goodiegumdropcali: Los Angeles

goodiegumdropcali: you?

mikunity: I see.... ever been to miami?

goodiegumdropcali: No

And here we go....

mikunity: It's nice here. I wish you were with me right now. we would be staring passionately in eachothers eyes- both liking what we see as........

mikunity: i pull u close as our lips passionately kiss, lol

mikunity: ;)

mikunity: told u i was creative and romantic- I know it sounds corny-gotta admit it sounds hott though? agree? lol

mikunity: ?

goodiegumdropcali: Well I agree that it's corny

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Hint to definitely leave me alone #1

mikunity: then, i gently lick my way down your neck as u look in my eyes and tell me how turned on u r getting and how bad u want me, but!!!!!!!!

mikunity: lol, but.......

goodiegumdropcali: *sigh* are you trying to get fresh via the internet?

Hint to definitely leave me alone #2

mikunity: but i say i want u too but 1st i have to taste u everywhere.............. may i?

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Hint to definitely leave me alone #3

I think that he forgot that cybering takes two people. You are all now witnesses to me being virtually raped. I expect testimony from everyone.

mikunity: lol....... i kneel between your legs and gently start kissing my way up as u look down at me, then...............

goodiegumdropcali: mmhmm and then?

mikunity: i start licking along the out side of your panties, u begin moving your hips trying to get me 2 kiss you, my face between your legs as i rub my tongue up n down your panties tasting u getting wetter

goodiegumdropcali: I wouldn't do that. They're filthy. I've had on the same undies since last week. Pretty crusty and funky.

mikunity: sorry, i hope u arent mad- im not sure where all of this came from- u gotta admit it sounds hotttt though? lol

goodiegumdropcali: You're worried about that now? I've closed the window twice now I think. Are you a bot? You say certain things over and over. Not that I'm reading most of what you're spewing at me. As it is all shit.

Hint to definitely leave me alone #4

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Hint to definitely leave me alone #5

mikunity: i pull your panties to the side and gently rub my tounge up n down your clit as i slowly put 1 finger inside of you as i look up at you and whisper how hott you are and how good u taste

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

6

mikunity: no, lol'

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

7

mikunity: like that? i do, lol

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

8

Now I know you're asking the obvious, why don't you block him or sign out? Well I still haven't been able to find the block button also keep in mind, there is another dude harassing me at the same time. Everytime I went to click the log off button another IM would pop up from one of them. I finally closed the tab but unfortunately this particular website doesn't sign you off that way. You have to click sign off to show you're offline and users can no longer IM you. If you don't. You get emails of what they tried to send you via IM. I have a bunch, I'm not reading them. I haven't even read most of what this one said to me. If you are I commend you.

mikunity: u rap both of your legs around my shoulders as my fingers rub your clit annd my tounge goes in and out of your wett pusssyy

goodiegumdropcali: I like how I don't even have to be part of it for you to please me. You're doing such a good job. Please continue

mikunity: lol....wanna help?

goodiegumdropcali: nope you go a head I'll just read

mikunity: fuq, im getting soooo hard picturing it.....r u feelin it too?

goodiegumdropcali: yeah it's a monsoon over here.

mikunity: u climb on top of me staring in my eyes as u lick your lips as u grab my hard cock n start rubbing it along your clit

mikunity: im asking you to please out it inside as you reach behind, rubbing me as you continue teasing me

mikunity: u r rubbing your pussy hard against it as i grab your ass and lift you up and thrust it deep inside you as you moan deeply as start to slowly bounce up n down on me

goodiegumdropcali: ooooopsie daisy! I came. Oh well thanks! Here's a towel clean yourself off and you can keep the scent sample I left on your finger. You know, for being such a champ.

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

9

mikunity: im squeezing your ass with both hands as your wett pussy is throbbing around me, dripping all over me....like?

goodiegumdropcali: Goddammit I said I finished fuck off already

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

mikunity: baby don't be mad i askd if u minded I ain't done!

goodiegumdropcali: Welp that's not what she said! PEACE OUT NUKKA!!!!!

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

I closed the tab at this point.

Now on to part two which was happening simultaneously

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 10: The Spit Roast Grill Part 2

P.S. Here is a snapshot of my screen is case you want to call bullshit. I took it because I could not believe it was happening to me simultaneously.

james10000mmmm: hi

goodiegumdropcali: hi

james10000mmmm: u look so sexy o me

james10000mmmm: wat r u up to

goodiegumdropcali: nothing much

goodiegumdropcali: and you?

james10000mmmm: bored

Red flag. Bored men on the net=horny

james10000mmmm: how old r u

goodiegumdropcali: 24, just like it says

james10000mmmm: wow

james10000mmmm: ur yung

james10000mmmm: but sexy

goodiegumdropcali: thanks?

james10000mmmm: wats tha oldest guy u have been with

"I ain't having it" by Faizon Love is playing in my head right now

goodiegumdropcali: What do you mean?

james10000mmmm: tht u have dated

goodiegumdropcali: oh 39 (the truth)

james10000mmmm: wow

james10000mmmm: u likeolder guys

james10000mmmm: huh

goodiegumdropcali: sometimes

james10000mmmm: more mature

james10000mmmm: huh

goodiegumdropcali: Not always

james10000mmmm: so r u still a virgin

goodiegumdropcali: Yes. I'm only 24 lmao

Any person who asks that question deserves to be lied to

james10000mmmm: wow

james10000mmmm: i bet ur pussy is tight

james10000mmmm: and good

goodiegumdropcali: What does my cat have to do with anything? :/

james10000mmmm: u look so sexy

james10000mmmm: making my dick jump

james10000mmmm: over here

goodiegumdropcali: is that a natural occurance?

james10000mmmm: not realy

james10000mmmm: ur diff. i guess

james10000mmmm: and a virgin

james10000mmmm: never seen a virgin pussy

goodiegumdropcali: they often have a crown of thorns protecting them.

james10000mmmm: send me pic of that pussy

james10000mmmm: to my phone

james10000mmmm: and ill send u pic of my dick

goodiegumdropcali: I'm fine thank you

james10000mmmm: have u had ur pussy licked before

goodiegumdropcali: no, who would do that? cats are all hairy and stuff lol eww. Besides they clean themselves silly. You're not supposed to lolololololololololol lmao tee hee giggle

I'm sure he knows I'm being a bitch at this point. Does that make a difference....

james10000mmmm: i will lick ur pussy so good

...........Not right away, no

james10000mmmm: make u cumm

goodiegumdropcali: does this "cumm" you speak of hurt? I mean with all the thorns and all?

james10000mmmm: its ur

james10000mmmm: u tell me

james10000mmmm: i just want to lick it

goodiegumdropcali: I don't know what any of that meant but I find it interesting that your penis jumps and you lick cats. Maybe it jumps because you lick cats? You can get sick from that you know? So maybe a doctor visit?

james10000mmmm: do u suck tha dick

goodiegumdropcali: no I have done nothing of that nature. There are thorns on my face too.

james10000mmmm: my dick is so hard now

james10000mmmm: if u tell me to fuck u

james10000mmmm: it will get harder

goodiegumdropcali: well that doesn't really affect me any so I'll pass

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

james10000mmmm: tell me to fuck u

goodiegumdropcali: fuck you

james10000mmmm: ride this dick

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

This one didn't take nearly as long but still annoying.

Moral of the story? I hate the internet and I wont go on this or any site like it again. Not even to obtain more material for this blog. I'm going to start my pet cat and unicorn artifacts collection early. If I'm going to be alone I need things to fill the void.

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 9: Epic FAIL

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 8: Dis Nigga Be British

Donwon18incher: Hey you sexy thang

Goodiegumdropcali23: Hello

Donwon18incher: So u horney u cute lil thang?

Goodiegumdropcali23: No I'm not

Donwon18incher: Well whts up wit tht baby?

Goodiegumdropcali23: Nothing?

Donwon18incher: well u siad u was gonna get all ready for me while I was in the bathroom. How u gon leave a nigga hangin like that?

Goodiegumdropcali23: You just sent me an instant message saying "Hey you sexy thang". I've never talked to you before so that conversation you mentioned didn't happen.

Donwon18incher: Man quit playin Tanya I'm horney

Goodiegumdropcali23: Dude, not Tanya

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Donwon18incher: Oh shite lol wrong chatbox lol my bad

Goodiegumdropcali23: Are you British?

Donwon18incher: What you mean?

Goodiegumdropcali23: Nothing nevermind

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Donwon18incher: Oh okay. So whts up wit you n me? how bout it? u horney miss......?

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

At this point I'm trying to find the "block" button but failing miserably. By the way, it tells the other person when the chat window is closed. I don't know why he hasn't gotten the hint yet. I hadn't thought about turning this into an FYPC until the end. Luckily for you readers, this certain website keeps a record of all chats if you ask it to. Or else it all would have been lost each time I closed the chat window. Excellent! (insert electric guitar sound here)

Donwon18incher: ?

Donwon18incher: so whts up wit you?

Goodiegumdropcali23: Nothing

Donwon18incher: Come on dont leave a nigga hangin baby. btw i looked at u're profyle. u cute.

Really? You can't spell profile? I'm pretty sure it says profile where you had to click to see my profile you piece of "shite".

*** Goodiegumdropcali23's IC window is closed

Donwon18incher: Man well fuk u thn

Goodiegumdropcali23: It's Fuck

Donwon18incher: What? I hope you ment lets lmao

Goodiegumdropcali23: The word you MEANT is FUCK. If you are going to be profane I suggest you learn to do it properly.

Donwon18incher: Man fuck u bitch

***Donwon18incher's IC window is closed

Mission accomplished. Look, I taught him something. I'm on the verge of tears. I feel sorry for Tanya. I hope he can't find her.

Moral of the story? Make sure to know who you're sexually harassing before you start. This is very important so pay attention. If the person turns out not to be who you were initially trying to harass, make sure to try and initiate some sort of agreement. Always be persistent and then get angry when you finally realize you're barking up the wrong tree. Follow these directions carefully and you'll quickly become a shoe in for the "man of the year" award.

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 7: Ain't no future fucking you (super long)

I started talking to a person named Gor. Most of my friends already know about him. For those I haven't told, here is a little back story....

Not very long ago, I had an obsession with Armenian men. I've figured out why but that is a story for never. As a result I met Gor. Shortly after talking to and hanging out with Gor I found him to be very close-minded, borderline crazy, and well for lack of a better term, a loser. He is here on a visa and got some speeding tickets. He failed to pay said tickets and as a result his visa was revoked, so he's pretty much here illegally now. He is unable to work or drive. He blames all his problems on the police who pulled him over in his, that's right you guessed it, bmw doing like 95. Now, I'm not materialistic by any means but I mean come on. I don't think I'm alone when I say it'd be very reckless for a person to get involved with someone in this situation.

When I said he is close-minded I mean he's homophobic and sexist. He thinks that if a girl isn't a virgin anymore that she has no right to deny other men of having sex with her. He's highly insecure and hates the fact that 99% of my friends are dudes.

Still, I hung out with him because I lacked anything better to do that day and he wanted to go to the beach and I love me some beaches. (Get it?) I never get to go to the beach so I said yes. Also I figured if nothing else, I'd get a great story to tell. You know, like that fuctard Kamir. So needless to say, I don't talk to him anymore. Even when he got a new iphone (I don't know how when he lacks income) I refused to give him my number again.

Since he doesn't have my number anymore, the following conversation takes place via Yahoo Messenger. Keep in mind that I have not talked to Gor for months. Here we go!

Gor (2/7/2011 12:09:53 AM): Hi

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:10:07 AM): hey

Gor (2/7/2011 12:10:34 AM): How are you? How's everything?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:10:54 AM): Fine and fine. How about for you?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:11:37 AM): Ok not too bad. What u been up to sext shorty?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:11:45 AM): Sexyyyyyyyyy

Gor (2/7/2011 12:11:50 AM): I mean

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:12:16 AM): Just working. You to move to Colorado yet?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:12:27 AM): Not yet

Gor (2/7/2011 12:12:42 AM): What about u? U moved out already?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:12:48 AM): no

Gor (2/7/2011 12:12:56 AM): K

Gor (2/7/2011 12:13:03 AM): I miss u

Gor (2/7/2011 12:13:09 AM): I wanna see u

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:13:39 AM): well I have a whole week off in March (knowing full well he should be gone by then and that I might be out of town)

Gor (2/7/2011 12:14:12 AM): What about this month? I might be gone by the end of the month

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:14:39 AM): I've got a bunch of family visiting this month so I'll be busy (not a complete lie)

Gor (2/7/2011 12:14:50 AM): :(

Gor (2/7/2011 12:15:03 AM): Come now

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:15:10 AM): uh, no

Gor (2/7/2011 12:18:14 AM): I won't keep u long

Gor (2/7/2011 12:18:25 AM): 30 mins

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:18:35 AM): Nope and there is nothing to do at this hour anyway

Gor (2/7/2011 12:18:54 AM): See each others

Gor (2/7/2011 12:18:57 AM): Fuck finally

Gor (2/7/2011 12:19:02 AM): Lmaooooooo

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:19:22 AM): not happening

Gor (2/7/2011 12:19:38 AM): Why? When did u last do it?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:20:15 AM): um long enough to where I don't remember.

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:20:42 AM): Not that it's any of your business anyway

Gor (2/7/2011 12:21:15 AM): Come let's have fun. We won't fuck if u don't want to we will flirt around a lil

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:21:34 AM): no

Gor (2/7/2011 12:21:39 AM): Why?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:22:10 AM): a) I'm not a tramp b) I'm not a tramp

Gor (2/7/2011 12:22:49 AM): That doesn't make u one. It's a natural thing. U r my gf

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:23:04 AM): no I'm not

Gor (2/7/2011 12:23:19 AM): Be my gf?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:23:27 AM): I want u to

Gor (2/7/2011 12:23:50 AM): I think I'm in love with u

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:24:13 AM): have you been drinking? are you drunk?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:24:23 AM): 'cause you seem drunk

Gor (2/7/2011 12:24:54 AM): No. I am not. You don't want me to be ur bf?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:26:02 AM): a) you're moving b) you're only saying you want to be my bf because you think that means I'll bang you

Gor (2/7/2011 12:26:23 AM): Lol crazy

Gor (2/7/2011 12:27:07 AM): That's not the reason but u know I've always wanted u too. U r so sexy. U turn me so on

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:27:27 AM): Sorry

Gor (2/7/2011 12:27:42 AM): I want u to ride me. U told me you're so good at it

Gor (2/7/2011 12:27:47 AM): ;)

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:28:12 AM): I'm pretty sure I've never said that. Besides I'm terrible. I just lay there with my hands over my eyes, repenting and waiting for it to be over. Then when it is, I bust out the sexy hysterical crying.

Gor (2/7/2011 12:28:30 AM): And I love when my lady does. I go crazy. Feels sooooo good

Gor (2/7/2011 12:28:37 AM): Shut up

Gor (2/7/2011 12:28:39 AM): U did

Gor (2/7/2011 12:28:51 AM): Let's be fuck buddies?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:29:27 AM): no. If I pass up being your girlfriend, what makes you think I want to be fuck buddies? ( I mean really come on. Even in a normal situation, who would want to be a fuck buddy? That blows)

Gor (2/7/2011 12:32:05 AM): Cuz u don't want to be my gf but I want u to and I want to make love with u as well and since u don't want to be my lady let's just be lovers for now.

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:32:48 AM): I don't want to be fuck buddies

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:33:09 AM): I'm Celibate

Gor (2/7/2011 12:33:14 AM): Then be my gf

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:33:27 AM): why?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:33:26 AM): What's celibate?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:33:59 AM): Celibacy refers to a state of not being married, or a state of abstention from sexual intercourse or vow of marriage

Gor (2/7/2011 12:34:22 AM): Cuz I like u so much. It's more than just liking

Gor (2/7/2011 12:34:40 AM): Why are u celibate?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:35:19 AM): I have yet to meet another person since my ex where it's "safe" to become that intimate. I don't want to catch feelings for a dude that's going to play me. Ya dig?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:35:33 AM): Plus I'm going to wait to have sex again until I'm married. (Not True)

Gor (2/7/2011 12:35:48 AM): What do u feel about me?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:35:52 AM): That's bs

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:36:00 AM): oh is it?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:36:23 AM): If u were a virgin I would understand but u aren't so stop being that way

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:37:01 AM): I can make what ever decisions I want. I chose to have sex before and I can choose not to have it.

Gor (2/7/2011 12:38:20 AM): Well you're right but you're wrong not to be the way with ur future bf u were with ur ex. How is ur ex better than ur future?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:38:49 AM): Why can he get pussy but the new one not?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:38:58 AM): That's mot fair

Gor (2/7/2011 12:39:02 AM): Not

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:39:11 AM): I was younger and didn't know what I know now besides, my ex didn't EXPECT me to fuck him. He wanted me to want to.

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:39:38 AM): I had to learn my lessons the hard way. (Literally OOOOOooooOOOOHH!)

Gor (2/7/2011 12:39:50 AM): Whatever girl. How old were u when u first had sex?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:40:31 AM): Why? do you think that somehow makes a difference?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:40:46 AM): Yea

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:40:54 AM): why?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:41:30 AM): Cuz I want to know

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:42:05 AM): no I'm asking why it makes a difference

Gor (2/7/2011 12:42:39 AM): Cuz u said u were too young. I'm sure u weren't 15 or 16

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:42:50 AM): nope. I was 17

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:43:00 AM): too young but age doesn't matter. some adults are still really naive.

Gor (2/7/2011 12:43:19 AM): Damn

Gor (2/7/2011 12:43:54 AM): Do girls usually have sex at that age or older or younger in the states?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:44:07 AM): I don't know

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:44:25 AM): Google it. I think it's average though since there are so many teen pregnancies. Haven't you seen that hit show?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:46:18 AM): But anyways why don't u want to have some sexy fun with me? We don't necessarily have to fuck but we can satisfy each other. I'm not saying let me fuck u. Let's just have fun

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:46:48 AM): no

Gor (2/7/2011 12:46:58 AM): Why??????

Gor (2/7/2011 12:47:20 AM): Are u afraid? Dint be scared I won't eat u

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:47:26 AM): I've already said why.

Gor (2/7/2011 12:47:42 AM): :(

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:48:51 AM): turn that frown upside down buckaroo

Gor (2/7/2011 12:49:22 AM): U do it. I can't

Gor (2/7/2011 12:51:10 AM): U make me sad

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:51:25 AM): there's nothing to be sad about so smile? :D

Gor (2/7/2011 12:52:12 AM): U can't like that. You've got to do it in person. And there is smth to be sad about

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:52:48 AM): what is there to be sad about? you're alive and well aren't you? Be thankful for that

Gor (2/7/2011 12:53:17 AM): U not wanting to be my gf. That's what's making me sad

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:53:33 AM): really? why? (rolling eyes)

Gor (2/7/2011 12:53:51 AM): I already told u

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:53:53 AM): what would make you a good bf?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:54:48 AM): pretend it's a job interview. sell me on you

Gor (2/7/2011 12:55:08 AM): Cuz I'll never let u down. I'll make u happier than anyone else will. (being unemployed is already a let down baby cakes)

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:55:26 AM): how do you know what would make me happy?

Gor (2/7/2011 12:56:55 AM): A good loving husband will

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:57:42 AM): that's true a good loving husband should learn that but he has to work to find that out first. He doesn't just know

Gor (2/7/2011 12:58:12 AM): Learn what?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 12:58:32 AM): what would make his partner happy

Gor (2/7/2011 12:59:04 AM): Well that will be in time

Gor (2/7/2011 12:59:40 AM): I know the most important things now and the secondary ones are found out in time

-JYM- (2/7/2011 1:00:21 AM): mmhmm well we don't have time to get that deep since you're moving so obviously you can't be my boyfriend.

Gor (2/7/2011 1:03:26 AM): I'm moving but I'll be in the country and you are the kind if girl that I can trust leaving u here by urself and in time we will live together. Either I'll cone back or you'll move to me.

-JYM- (2/7/2011 1:06:45 AM): what makes you think we're even good for each other. (because we're not)

Gor (2/7/2011 1:09:45 AM): Cuz I feel it

-JYM- (2/7/2011 1:10:19 AM): how? we never talk or hang out. You've met me once. You know nothing about me and I assure you that if we were to get better aquatinted you'd see what I mean. We have nothing and I mean nothing in common. We don't even share the basic social ethics.

Gor (2/7/2011 1:11:16 AM): We have enough for me to know it. I know what kinda person u r and that's the most important part

-JYM- (2/7/2011 1:13:05 AM): Oh okay so, so far you think I'm the type of girl who would go "hang" out with you at almost 1 in the morning for 30 minutes and then go home? Or the type of girl that would pass up a meaningful relationship only to start a meaningless physical one? You must because you asked.

Gor (2/7/2011 1:14:30 AM): Shut up. I was messing with u telling u to come for 30 mins. Come on girl. I know u will not. I was just joking

-JYM- (2/7/2011 1:14:47 AM): mmmhmm joke went on to long I think. You still haven't gotten to the punch-line. Or was the punch-line when you said you think you're in love with me?

Gor (2/7/2011 1:15:11 AM): Are u going to think about becoming my gf?

-JYM- (2/7/2011 1:15:48 AM): no honestly

Gor (2/7/2011 1:15:59 AM): Thanks

Gor (2/7/2011 1:16:04 AM): You're so sweet

Gor (2/7/2011 1:16:13 AM): Anyway I'm out

Gor (2/7/2011 1:16:18 AM): Good night

-JYM- (2/7/2011 1:16:19 AM): night

-The End

Moral of the story is the following and it goes for all you dudes, not just Gor:

Now me and you was cool but I ain't the one to play the fool. Can't make no money in bed so ain't no future fucking you. I ain't the bitch that love ya can't do a damn thing for you if you ain't about money, 9 outta 10 I'll ignore you. It's a man's world but real woman make this shit go 'round. Disrespect and I clown the type of bitch to throw down. Throw up the block 'cause nothing stops my chips, a boss playa with tits then twist you lame tricks. Holla if you understand my plan ladies. Fuck having babies by them shady ass niggas swearing he can save me. My strategies official check in your pockets while I tongue kiss ya. Soft as tissue so my next issue is how to diss you. They call me storm from the day I was born I've been known the break the coldest motherfucka 'til his hearts warm. I ain't never been the type to wait at home alone. Just 'cause we bone don't mean you own me nigga I'm grown. - Storm

Amen.

That verse pretty much sums up how I feel except I'm not materialistic and I don't want your money. I don't care how much a person makes as long as he can take care of himself. The other stuff hits home however. Unemployment was not the only issue I have with Gor but there is a lot of back story missing for some of you but it's not really important. I think it's pretty clear here what he was trying to do and he clearly thinks I'm an idiot.

I'm not mad at him though. It's just annoying. Someone else said to me that I must not really want a boyfriend if I refuse him. That isn't true I'm just not desperate enough to just accept the invitation from any dude that offers the position. Is that so wrong? I want a boyfriend but I want it to be the right guy and I have enough patience to wait for him to enter my life. If he already hasn't and is hiding. Come out you pussy!

--peace