Introduction

"The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles" is a series of humorous rants that I started on Facebook using the 'Notes' feature. It first started out with me sharing emails that I receive via dating websites. Then it slowly also became and outlet in which to voice my frustrations caused by experiences I've had involving anyone with a penis. I do my best to give a play by play description of these events.

I decided to move them to a separate blog and off of Facebook so that I'm able to say more of what I want without the prying eyes of family members and co-workers; and also to make them colorful and pretty. If you enjoy bad language, angry rants and terrible puns then you might enjoy them. The older posts will look pretty bad. I'm just cutting and pasting from Facebook. I am much too lazy to reformat them all. Tough titties if you don't like it.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 18: Sometimes I want to be that girl from "Teeth"

It's been several years since I've been pissed off enough to do one of these little rants but alas, here I am.
I'm going to jump right into it. Now, to anyone who is reading this for the first time, I don't sugar coat and I don't try to spare feelings. If you're sensitive then you're in the wrong place. That's the only warning you're going to get. If you continue to read and end up being offended by what I say, swallow it because I don't care. I don't write these for you, they're for me.

Does it bother any other women out there that all the birth control, except for condoms is aimed at us? Does it bother any of you that a lot of these companies are telling you that you don't need a period or that you don't need to have more than a strict amount a year? I feel that having a period is part of being a female. I feel that MEN are the ones who are bothered by the menstrual cycle because we're less tame and it shortens the amount of time they get to spend putting their dicks in us. THEY think it's gross. "I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die". Fuck off then, date a dude. They don't bleed, unless the sex was too rough. Here's a tip, buy a wig and some lube. There's your dream girl right there. Stay the fuck away from me. 
Furthermore, does it bother you ladies that men have no problem doing the deed but have a problem with what can happen should birth control fail or if you choose not to use birth control? Does it bother you that it's left entirely up to you to keep from getting knocked up? Then they seem to think they have a say in what happens if you do? Oh and if even mention abstinence they act like you asked them to tear off their precious little wieners. 

I personally, am allergic to the world and I've had nothing but a bad time with birth control.  I had recurring health problems that magically went away the moment I got off the stuff. I don't know where I'm going with this honestly. I'm ranting. 

The moral of today's rant is, as usual, fuck you and fuck off.

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