Introduction

"The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles" is a series of humorous rants that I started on Facebook using the 'Notes' feature. It first started out with me sharing emails that I receive via dating websites. Then it slowly also became and outlet in which to voice my frustrations caused by experiences I've had involving anyone with a penis. I do my best to give a play by play description of these events.

I decided to move them to a separate blog and off of Facebook so that I'm able to say more of what I want without the prying eyes of family members and co-workers; and also to make them colorful and pretty. If you enjoy bad language, angry rants and terrible puns then you might enjoy them. The older posts will look pretty bad. I'm just cutting and pasting from Facebook. I am much too lazy to reformat them all. Tough titties if you don't like it.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 17: Gunitkid45 is looking for a soulmate

Hello readers, it's been a while I know. While the public harassment continued, my desire to document the incidents, wavered. I'm going to share this one with you today because it's funny and I want to share the laughter. Enjoy...

The following incident takes place on a social networking website for black people like myself. Other people go there too. because black people can't have anything for themselves(kidding).

I am not online so I receive an email stating that a person named Gunitkid45 has tried to send me an instant message. I already know he's mating material by the fact that he tried to send me an instant message while I was offline, and therefore unable to respond to it. 

These are the poetic messages he wrote.

Gunitkid45: "Wt ur number mami giv me a chance i can treat u like a queen"
Gunitkid45: "Hey my future wife"
Gunitkid45: "u ther"
Gunitkid45: "Can i get yo name n number"

Me: "Your future wife?" :: disdainful smiley face::

Gunitkid45: "Yep my future wife wt yo number mami giv us a chance my dick size is 10 to 12 inches long"

Me: No response

The end

The moral of the story? Now I know why I haven't been wifed yet. I have been looking for the wrong characteristics in the men I've dated. I now know that I should marry based on penis size. Thank you Gunitkid45, for opening my eyes and I hope I haven't missed the chance to become one with you and your 10 to 12 inch dick.





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