Introduction

"The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles" is a series of humorous rants that I started on Facebook using the 'Notes' feature. It first started out with me sharing emails that I receive via dating websites. Then it slowly also became and outlet in which to voice my frustrations caused by experiences I've had involving anyone with a penis. I do my best to give a play by play description of these events.

I decided to move them to a separate blog and off of Facebook so that I'm able to say more of what I want without the prying eyes of family members and co-workers; and also to make them colorful and pretty. If you enjoy bad language, angry rants and terrible puns then you might enjoy them. The older posts will look pretty bad. I'm just cutting and pasting from Facebook. I am much too lazy to reformat them all. Tough titties if you don't like it.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Fuck Your Penis Chronicles 14: Be quiet

Voicemails/text message time. Guest starring Gor

Voicemail 2:47am:

"Hey good morning,  how are you? You never called me back. I'm just checking on you. call me back girl."

Text Messages:

Him: "Why u r not answering your phone?"

Me: "I'm not awake at 2:30 in the morning first off, secondly, I NEVER answer you when you call anyway. What aren't you getting?  I don't know how many times I have to tell you or how many different ways but I don't want to talk to you anymore. I've told you several times. Crystal?"

Him: "Whatever girl. ur always up late u kno u were awake. How else did u kno called"

Me: "Really? Um, 'cause my phone gives me notifications when I miss calls?"

Him: "Anyway how r u? I have not talk to u in a long time"
Him: "talked I mean."

Me: No response

He calls again, I don't answer.

Him: "Whatever girl."

Me: Mission accomplished finally I hope

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